Peacefully Detaching from Toxicity

I've wanted to write this post for a while. I'm still not sure if it is the right time; if my thoughts are aligned, if I have the clarity I need to move forward, or the words that will encompass what I am trying to write. But something tells me that tonight is the night to at least try. 

I'm giving out my energy and time for people whom I love and support and show appreciation,

but,

I'm also giving away energy to people who don't realize the energy I exert is energy that I am not putting back into myself while also showing zero appreciation. 

And that has to stop.

My whole life, I have always made it an effort to never say no to people, if possible. If someone needed help, I said yes. If someone asked for someone to accompany them somewhere, I say yes. Need money? Sure. Why not. But, I don't regret any of those people, I'm not mad at myself for doing it. I love doing it. I love showing up for my friends. My constant urge to help people and be their person that saves the day is something that brings me joy. I like to be the person that helps make someone else's life a little bit easier and less stressful. 

But I forgot about one thing. 

Myself. 

My happiness.

My stress. 

My goals.

Lately, I've noticed that the one thing I haven't been receiving is the love and support that I provide for some people. Sure, I have a good group of friends that do show up for me and support me and will listen to me talk for hours because I just need someone. And I am so forever grateful for them. Then there are the people I want to keep in my life so I am there for them in any way needed, but if I also never spoke to those people again, I don't think they would care or notice.

During a walk today, I was thinking about how many people I have helped in the past in one way or another and how many of them were grateful or said thank you, in a genuine way. 

And aside from a specific few, there weren't many. And yet, I kept helping them. Because that's the person I am. I care. A lot. Maybe too much sometimes. 

I am so grateful for my life: what I've accomplished, where I've worked, the relationships I've been in, the people I've met, the memories I've made, the travels I've endured. It's truly magical. However, the one thing that would make it better is to remove the toxicity. Remove the people that make me rethink my life, the people who make me cry, the people who make me feel like I'm always making the wrong decision. The people, who judge my life and who I am while not even knowing me. The people that make me doubt and think lesser of myself

I'm done with those people. They're not bad people. Just not ones I want to have a presence in my life. 

I'm writing this post to tell myself and others (whoever reads this, which is probably no one or my dad), that sometimes, you have to let people go to move forward, to take steps that guide you in the direction you see yourself. The only person you need to think about is yourself. Your happiness, your goals, your actions, your decisions, those are of primary importance. One step closer to pure happiness, just a little bit more clarity, is what needs to happen, and getting rid of those toxic people and events in your life is the first step. 

Cleanse yourself of people who do not appreciate you or are not grateful for everything you do for them. The people who don't reciprocate the love and gratitude that you express towards them. The people who don't support your lifestyle or dreams. Rid of those dark clouds, the negative energy, and replace it with good intentions, good people, and dreams that go beyond the stars. 

You deserve it. We deserve it.