Your smile.
Your embrace.
Your laughter.
Your energy.
You always told me "My money's on you"
You made sure that I knew when I became famous I was going to buy you a new car
You had a room specifically for me
You always knew,
You knew how to make me feel loved.
Admired. That I was a huge piece of your heart. That I was always "Gorgeous."
We should've trademarked that word. Gorgeous was YOUR word.
You never gave up on me.
We spent our weekends together;
laughing, eating, holding hands.
We shopped even though I hated it because you loved it.
You cared about my life
Everything about it.
My education, my dating life, family life.
Then I moved away from you.
I feel selfish, as if I betrayed you.
I remember the day.
The moment is so lucid.
We knew it wasn't going to be much longer.
But we thought we could hold onto you for another 2 years.
I got the call, Lisa was breathing heavier by the moment.
She told me you had your appointment, and they told you.
They told you it wasn't
My mom called me,
Asked if I wanted to talk to you, which I didn't know then would be my last time.
I said I had work and I couldn't be on the phone anymore.
She hung up. We never spoke.
I remember my mom telling me that you just wanted to always know when you were going to die.
You were a happy woman.
Loved by every single person.
But you knew the pain was going to get worse and your time was going to dissipate.
Showing up at your house, you were in hospice.
But your nails were perfectly painted because once you found out you were going to die, the first thing you asked for was to go get lunch and get your nails done because all you could do now was live.
We did impersonations of you;
You smiled.
That was the last time you smiled. And I will never forget it.
We sang camp songs from when your daughters were young,
We played the voicemails you would leave us,
Always about the sale at Nordstroms, never calling us by the right names.
You called mom, Hollis, you called me Lisa and you sometimes called all of us Fritz.
You accepted the fact that you were going to die.
I missed my last call with you.
You couldn't speak when I saw you.
It was your time to go.
You waited for me to come home before you let go.
I wasn't ready.
And now you're gone.
I need you back.
You had faith in me.
You believed in me.
But someone once told me, that you may be gone, but you will always be with me.
And I believe that.
I hope you see this, and I hope you understand how much happiness you brought into my life.
And I promise,
Whoever I end up marrying, they are going to know that you are up there making sure they never treat me like crap because you will come down here and "beat the shit out of him."
Thank you, for being genuinely you.
I'm going to make you so proud.
Every. Single. Day.
